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Film-maker Derek Jarman, who won the contest in 1975 |
If Miss fits... Outrageous beauties vie for a crown
The Roundhouse is set to host a revival of the Alternative Miss World contest, an extraordinary ‘surreal art event for all the family’, writes Simon Wroe
MIRROR, mirror, on the wall, who is the most outrageous of them all?
In 1975, it was the film-maker Derek Jarman, who wore a frog with diamante earrings as his swimwear and a suit of armour for the evening wear category. In 1981, Miss Aldershot (real name Michael Haynes) trounced the competition by arriving on stage with The Massed Band of the Irish Guards and a choir of 500.
If any indication is needed as to what sort of event Andrew Logan’s legendary Alternative Miss World is, the previous winners say it all. It is an event from which prom queens flee as fast as their six-inch stilettos will carry them, a show where beauty matters not a jot, and where contestants are judged instead on “poise, personality and originality”. Leigh Bowery and Divine, two of the patron saints of exhibitionism, have both strutted down its catwalk. Brian Eno has suggested it would be a perfect candidate for the Turner Prize.
This week, after a five-year hiatus, the Alternative Miss World returns with an extravagant fanfare at the Roundhouse in Chalk Farm. On a visit last Friday, Logan’s Glasshouse studio in London Bridge is a hive of activity: fashionable young helpers are cutting swathes of brightly coloured cloth, an enormous plexi-glass throne awaits the finishing touches, and the alternative crown jewels, designed by Logan himself, glisten in anticipation.
Logan, a transcendentally calm 63-year-old in a saffron pyjama suit, pads about the studio, overseeing operations.
“I do like coronations,” he proclaims. “I love rituals. We have so little ritual now in the western world, we don’t consider them important anymore. But it gives people a meaning to their lives.”
A sculptor first and a jeweller second, Logan considers the show “a sculpture on a vast scale, a huge creative explosion”. He has played the half male, half female host since it began in 1972.
The 12 previous competitions, which Logan describes as “surreal art events for all-round family entertainment”, have generated staggering, impossible outfits. Where in the world could you find a person dressed as a live volcano or a Greek column, complete with a Venus di Milo statue coming out of his head and a 20ft blue train, in 2ft-high shoes?
Not in the Chislehurst Caves, certainly, where in 1986 the local newspaper protested that the event might bring Aids to the neighbourhood if it was allowed to go ahead.
“They were terrified,” says Logan. “I mean, the ignorance!”
Eric Morley, the creator of the original Miss World, also took umbrage at the show. In 1978 he tried to sue the film company making a documentary about it; a young barrister “with a lovely smile” by the name of Tony Blair helped to get the case thrown out.
The unrehearsed live show – which has led to a live donkey falling onto the contestants and one of the hosts being pushed into the ornamental pond – remains as shambolic as ever. But the competition has intensified, with contestants increasingly serious – and secretive – about their costumes.
Logan tries to remain oblivious to the chaos backstage and diplomatic about the competition. Everyone is a winner, he says, so everyone receives a prize. The only contestant he has ever turned down was a performer called Genesis P-Orridge who wanted to dissect a chicken on stage.
“The philosophy is having fun. Nothing is mandatory, but it does attract a crowd that enjoy showing off,” he says.
Naturally then, the Alternative Miss World appeals to celebrities. Ruby Wax will co-host the event this year, and Tim Curry, Zandra Rhodes and Sir Norman Rosenthal are among the 15 or so judges on this year’s panel.
The theme is Elemental, a combination of all the elements which have featured as themes in previous years: earth, air, fire, water, and void.
So is this a conclusion? A final flourish?
Not at all, says Logan: “I’d really like to carry on until I die, because what interests me is the continuity of the event.
“You can only do that with time. It’s a bit like the Archers in that respect – it could go on forever.”
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