movies

Publications by New Journal Enterprises

Home

Archive

Competition

The Review - AT THE MOVIES with WILLIAM HALL
Published: 13 March 2008

Reece Shearsmith stars with Jennifer Ellison and Andy Serkis in The Cottage

Blood and guts, but Cottage industry just doesn’t work

THE COTTAGE
Directed by PAUL ANDREW WILLIAMS
Certificate 18

THE first hint of nastiness ahead surfaces in the opening scenes as brothers Dave (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) arrive at a remote country cottage with an unconscious blonde tied and gagged in the boot of their car.
The girl Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) becomes a tigress when she recovers, and causes havoc with the pair who turn out to be hopelessly inept at the kidnap game.
Wimpy Peter comes off worst, with a broken nose after being head-butted by their victim. He’s a nervy chain-smoker who hates violence, and gives their identity away behind their ski masks when he calls his brother “Dave” in front of her.
The problem is that Tracey is the daughter of a fearsome East End gangster who won’t be too pleased at the £100,000 ransom demand for her return.
He sends a couple of Chinese assassins on their trail, but when one is found crucified in the woods with his throat cut it seems there is something else out there that doesn’t like strangers.
The idea purports to be comedy shock horror, but there’s precious little of it in this unbelievably absurd waste of time and space. It isn’t funny for starters, and for shock read schlock.
The brothers stumble on derelict stables with a disfigured farmer behaving like old Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, keeping decapitated heads on shelves in his basement, and severed hands in the freezer.
The only redeeming feature, such as it is, is Andy Serkis, the hard-nosed brother with more talent in his performance than the rest of the others put together.
This slice of Grand Guignol is not a good career move for any of the cast, and one of them hits it on the button when he eyes the grisly collection, and comments: “Something’s not right!”
Got it in one, pal!

Comment on this article.
(You must supply your full name and email address for your comment to be published)

Name:

Email:

Comment:

» Film Times
» Film Reviews
» Buy DVDs
» Rent DVDs