An alternate universe where Bendtner and the FA Cup equal quality!
The CROW
Published: 11 March 2010
ON Tuesday night, my television broke and started broadcasting live from an alternate universe where Nicklas Bendtner was scoring goals.
The sight of the incompetent Dane tucking away his tap-in was so alien to me, I had to check the connections at the back of my TV. As Arsenal romped away from Porto I decided enough was enough and called my service provider to see if someone was cleverly splicing this footage together from old Bendtner shanks.
To my concern, this appeared to be real footage. Emmanuel Eboue and the egoist were actually playing well. Then I turned over and saw that Darren Bent had netted a hat-trick and was convinced it was all just a terrible dream.
Unfortunately I woke up on Wednesday to read headlines such as “Bendtner, an apology, you are a great striker after all.” That’s hasty, the ungainly frontman has to do a lot more than score a tap-in and a penalty to eradicate three seasons of costly fluffs.That’s like calling Emile Heskey prolific if he scores two in two.
I will not be rushed into complimenting Bendtner. He’s worked too hard on establishing his reputation for me to just throw it back in his face because of one anomaly. Don’t worry Nicklas, I still think you’re rubbish.
PIP WROE
THERE have been some excitable squeals from the other side of north London this week, all about trips to Wembley for the FA Cup.
I’ve been forced to listen to Spurs fans drone on about their famous cup pedigree, despite the fact they have not made the final in nearly 20 years.
England international Theo Walcott was only two years old, just learning about life beyond nappies, the last time they got there. Arsenal have won it five times since then.
There has even been babble about Chas and Dave unveiling an FA Cup final song that they have been sitting on since Tottenham’s last appearance in that once-prestigious – now sadly less important – end of season match.
How sad that history has caught up with Spurs.
It’s like they are still living in a bygone Elton Welsby world where people watch snooker, buy George Benson records and smoke (rather than play tinny music from mobile phones) on the top deck of the bus. Those days are gone.
And so while Tottenham make a big fuss over a competition that the big boys don’t really care about, the main focus was on the Champions League. And how mesmerising was Arsenal’s 5-0 win over Porto? An artistic masterpiece, a simply glorious night of European football – no wonder the FA Cup has lost its sheen.
RICHARD OSLEY
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