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Published: 08 July 2010
by ROISIN GADELRAB

PINK dropped from the sky, Missy Elliott’s German tracksuit offended, Snoop Dogg wore girly hair bobbles and Jay-Z played the popular card at an eventful Wireless festival this weekend.

By Sunday night, Wireless stragglers looked more like extras from Shipwrecked than holders of the coolest hip-hop tickets in town as arid weather conditions turned Hyde Park into one giant dustbowl and filthy feet, mud-caked fingernails and dirt-streaked faces became the official festival uniform.

Not even the luxury loos, Ugg boots store, makeovers, Superdrug counter, Elemis massages and Bed Head hairdressers could combat the dust.

Pink’s headline performance was a spectacle in itself, so carefully stage managed that it even ended with a roll of credits.

And they deserved the praise, Pink dropped onto a walkway from a gift-wrapped box suspended high on a crane, running through hits, many lesser-known tracks and some covers. She mashed up Lou Reid’s Walk on the Wild Side with Green Day’s Basket Case, later launching the loudest sing-along of the weekend to 4 Non Blondes’ What’s Up – a perfect fit for her voice.

Pink’s songs have rarely been captivating but her performance skills and powerhouse vocals are something to behold.

Her set was a fully-functioning carnival, she made full use of the slides, her drummer stood inside a waltzer and Pink’s acrobatics matched those of a circus professional.

From Cirque du Soleil roof-dangling on drapes, to soaring over the crowd suspended on four-way wires, to literally running over the heads of the audience in a giant inflatable Zorb ball, it was a non-stop feast for the eyes.

Earlier Plan B drew hundreds from Gossip’s main stage set as crowds caked the outside of the Pepsi Max tent to try to catch a glimpse.

Beth Ditto made her usual threat to strip but thankfully failed to deliver.

Not even Ditto’s lungs could compete with the crowds singing along to Plan B 150m away and her cover of Tina Turner’s What’s Love Got To Do With It was drowned out.

The Ting Tings banged out a bit of a racket but the most euphoric moment of the day was lying in the grass, staring at the clear blue sky listening to The Temper Trap.

Day two’s headliners LCD Soundsystem seriously disappointed – an odd choice for top billing when the likes of Missy Elliott and Snoop Dogg were in town.

To be fair, Missy’s set consisted of a number of big fails. 1 – coming on 20 minutes late, 2 – playing a medley of best-known tracks so fast you almost missed them, 3 – part-miming, badly, 4 – bringing on latest protege after only 10 minutes, who also mimed, 5 – making an ill-judged return to the stage in a Germany tracksuit – her prerogative I say – but she drew boos from a huge group of miserable bad sports, 6 – overrunning and having her set cut mid-flow. Still, Get Your Freak on was a popular three minutes, her rapping was fierce and she threw herself into rallying the crowd for the brief time she was on.

A quick dash to Darwin Deez confirmed why he’s the Napoleon Dynamite of the moment and a delight to watch – but the pull of legend Snoop Dogg was too strong. 

The sunshine loved Snoop, who came on with a knuckle duster-style mic and charted his hip-hop history through a memorable, laid back set. Still hard to take Gangsta rap seriously when it comes from a man with clear plastic bobbles on his plaits.

Day three was uncomfortable as thousands crammed into the park, may looking for trouble. Huge groups of boys cleared the ground of bottles by flinging them into the crowd, prompting Lily Allen to point out the number of girls she’d seen crying in front of her after being hit.

Earlier, Professor Green on the second stage was a huge, popular draw, Slash played a couple of his own solos which flew above the head of most of the crowd, but woke everyone up with Sweet Child O’ Mine and a vastly diminished D12 delighted the many who rushed to see them on the third stage – though twice as many were left out in the cold.

Lily Allen brought on Professor Green for a drum ‘n bass remix of Smile before the two launched into their new single Just Be Good To Green, which ended up as a huge rave.

Jay-Z the ever professional, played the popular tracks, some lesser-known older ones and never let the crowd forget he was thinking of every single one of them. Much like the David Cameron in the leaders debates, he took note of his audience and singled out the ones who most knew his songs, or those who most caught his eye.

When he realised he had 24 minutes left he declared he was not ready to go and promised to run through as many track people asked for as possible, flicking from a bar of Bonnie and Clyde to a chorus of another, he skipped around, prepared to please his devoted followers.

He ended on Encore – the smash hit mash-up with Linkin Park’s Numb – a wise and explosive choice that confirmed Jay-Z’s generous showmanship.