Will we win the league? Vinny Samways – discuss. And it’s Lily whites time!
FIVE points clear, 12 games to go. I daren’t even think about it.
At the start of the season we were not even meant to be in the top four, let alone in first place. Those places were going to Moan United, Chelsea, Liverpool and, ahem, Top Four Tottenham.
This week – to stop me wondering whether Arsenal might actually win the league – I’ve filled my mind with other diversionary questions like: What is the point of that Ashes To Ashes programme? If you help an old woman cross the road and she doesn’t say thank you afterwards, was it worth it? Of course, it was. Why doesn’t Dwain Chambers try his hand at something else? Whatever happened to Gary Smith? Does a pregnant cat look the same as a really fat Tom? Who whitewashed Banksy? Huw Edwards – Discuss. Is the bus the best place to see what ringtones my phone can blast out? If Eddie McGoldrick was a Premiership footballer today, which team would he be good enough for? And Vinny Samways? Does Trigger hate me? Did Amy Winehouse say “Camden Town ain’t burning down”, or Camden Town “is” burning down when she won her Grammies? What will become of Cheryl? Will Top Four Tottenham get the treble: League Cup, Wafer Cup – and the Intertoto? And Will Top Four Tottenham really humiliate themselves with a victory parade if they win one of those meaningless trophies?
Phew. It’s going to be a tense few months.
PLAYERS and fans of all football clubs may finally unite in opposition when the money men suggest playing extra games on Mars for satellite viewers only.
Generally the might of Spurs, Chelsea and Arsenal find it extremely difficult to come together in a common cause. This perhaps explains why the Ivory Coast failed to win the African Cup of Nations last weekend with Zokora, Drogba and Toure not even making it to the final.
It seems Sir Alex Ferguson will soon be gaining one of the tournament’s real stars, a player apparently destined from birth to play for United, the Angolan striker Manucho. Of course they stole the idea of employing a namesake from the pride of Woolwich, who clearly appointed Arsene Wenger for his forename rather than any knowledge of the game.
How else can you explain the dour one-nillers’ employment of a man who wants to play football like the Dutch team of the 1970s?
Maybe what Spurs need now is our own equivalent. We have missed out on both Francesco Totti and the German punk band Die Toten Hosen.
Perhaps we need to look further afield, extend the brief to cover our nickname the Lilywhites and even be prepared to step over the gender barrier. Maybe we’d have an outside chance of persuading Lily Allen to become our mascot. She’s even got a Spurs legend as a surname.
