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Who needs a yura peen coop?
WOAH! A tennis score! 3-6! With our reserves!
Can we play you every week?
I would feel sorry for Liverpool, bumped out of two competitions in a week, if it wasn’t for their fans. The ones with the scarves. And the badges. You know something isn’t right when they start singing.
Two seconds into the Arsenal versus Liverpool league match at Ashburton  Grove earlier this season, they piped up in their curious Scouse dialect: “Wez yuh yura peeen coop?”
 This translates as: “What a great new stadium but where is your European Cup?”
You know Brookside are desperate when they start talking about European Cups – that afternoon they got thumped 3-0.
It’s like the last resort argument. Yes. You’ve won it five times. You’ve also won the league more times than anyone else – although not for 17 years. Liverpool have a proud record. We know that.
But what does it count for when Julio Baptista and the kids are banging in six on your own ground? Or Tomas Rosicky is walking through your defence like a modern day Pele?
Next stop White Hart Lane. Let’s do proud the memory of that David Rocastle goal against Spurs at the same stage of the competition on the same pitch in 1987.
 SPURS have done it again. Not content with nurturing the cream of British talent, we’re set to do our bit for a lowly British club. Yep, allowing (ahem) Cardiff to visit the Lane makes it a happy pay day for the sheep dippers.
Not that you’d need much cash if goalies are what you’re after. I reckon £25 quid and a sack of sheep shearings can get you class acts like Jerzy Doo Doo or the chap Villa have borrowed who plays in his jim-jams.
 That said, City should save their dosh in case the dimwit who lobbed a flare gets ’em fined. I know Cardiff can be dull around lambing time, but even poo-chucking Liverpool supporters aren’t that stupid.
Gooners may disagree. “What fools,” they cried this week from the comfort of their Hertfordshire sofas. Imagine staying until the bitter end and singing more raucously than Leo Sayer in his prime your team have lost... and coming back to do it all over again three days later?
Much better the Gooner way... barrack your players at home so often that the captain has to plead for mercy in the programme, then ponce into work and act like you’ve won the World Cup when all your team has done is finally win a couple of games oop North.
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